The end of 2008 was a sad time for me because of the death of a close friend, Edie Ewing (in the blue top at my 60th birthday party in 2006) after living almost 14 years with metastatic breast cancer. I was honored to be asked to speak at her funeral last night and below is the text of what I said which is posted in her memory and will be my last post until sometime next week.
It was my good fortune to know Edie Ewing for some 33 years – all of her adult life, and it was my privilege to be her friend for most of that period. Like all of you I have been thinking a lot about her and have come to focus on two things that I would like to talk about tonight.
The first is what was it that made Edie such a special person? The more I think about that question, the answer is best captured by an idea contained in Paul’s 1st letter to the Corinthians – the idea that three things endure for ever – faith, hope and love. For me those three things best symbolize or capture what made Edie so special. She believed those things, but wasn’t just that, Edie also tried to live by them and live into them.
Take, for example, faith – faith for Edie was not a destination, it was a journey and she was on that journey for her entire adult life. Edie was always reading, thinking, studying and talking about what she believed. On more than one occasion, she was there when I preached a stewardship sermon that I thought was the last word on stewardship – a sermon that had the ultimate answers. And then Edie would say to me, “John, the highest compliment you can pay a sermon was to say that it made you think." She was more concerned with asking the right questions than finding ultimate answers. She was on that journey almost right up until the end, one of the last times I saw her, she couldn’t do much, but she could at least read and she was reading about faith related issues.
Edie also lived in hope. Given everything she faced it would have been easy to have sunk into depression, despair or anger –all kinds of negative feelings, but that wasn’t who Edie was. She lived in hope and I think it was that hope that enabled her to decide that she was going to live as fully as she could. Living in hope enabled her to go on those trips that were so important to her, France earlier this year, not to mention trips to England and a Mediterranean cruise as well as the vacation home in Maine on her beloved Linekin Bay.
Lastly love, Edie once told me what love meant to her – to care as much about another person’s well being as you care about your own. That certainly wasn’t an original idea with her, but what was more important was how she lived into that idea. Edie did her best to love others, not just when it was easy, but also when it was difficult. Whether it was people behaving badly or people who just weren’t that lovable, Edie tried all the same. In the all years I knew her, I can remember her criticizing people, but I can never remember her saying negative things about others.
Faith, hope and love are very important qualities, powerful on their own. But in Edie’s case they didn’t exist separately, in isolation from one another. Rather they were woven together in a wonderful tapestry of her life. I was privileged to see her live in at least three different contexts.
The first was the church, before coming here to Redeemer, Morristown, Edie was part of three other communities of faith. Each time she had faith in that community, she had hope for that community and she loved that community. When it was time for her to move on, she did so because it was part of her journey and she left in the most positive way possible. I especially want to say to those of you from this congregation that she was really happy here – I think that part of her journey was complete. She told me many times how much she liked it here because Phil Wilson and the congregation works so hard at making everyone feel welcome. I especially want to thank you for that because if anyone deserved that kind of church home it was Edie Ewing.
The second context was that of friendship. I don’t claim to be an expert on many things, but I am an expert on what it means to have Edie Ewing as a friend. When my father died all of the funeral arrangements were during one week day. I knew how careful she had to be with taking time off from work so when I called to tell her about my father I told her not feel pressured to be there. There was a long silence on the other end of the line and I knew what was coming next. She said, “John, I am going to be there for you!” And she was always there for me both in the good and the bad times. I will always cherish the note that she wrote to me when I retired from the Diocese of Newark – she wrote that she was proud to be my friend. She was proud to be my friend! Trust me I have enough honesty about myself to know that in the course of over 3 decades she saw me say and do a lot of things that weren’t inspired by the better angels of my nature – yet she was proud to be my friend. And boy was I proud to be her friend.
And finally there is the context of family. Edie and I talked a lot both in person and on the phone. I want to say all of you in the Ewing and Tanis families that she talked about you a lot, about the good things and also about those other things, but there was never once that she didn’t have faith in you, hope for you and love for you. I hope that knowing that can be of some comfort in these difficult times.
Faith, hope and love made up the essence of Edie Ewing. An essence that in the words of one her favorite authors, Charles Dickens, was from God.
And that leads to the second thing that I have been thinking about – what do we do now? Obviously there are a lot of things we should do now. But those are things for another day – what should we do about this special person Edie Ewing? If it is true that faith, hope and love endure forever then someone who had such a full measure of those qualities should also endure forever.
Each of us can do something to help make that happen, not just by remembering Edie, but by telling her story. Perhaps each of us should leave here tonight resolved to write down some memory of Edie. And perhaps those memories can be collected and given to her family. If there is an interest in that I would be honored to coordinate it. But even if that isn’t a good idea, we all need to talk about Edie so that future generations will know that there was this woman named Edie Ewing and she was special. Because she was special, she is special and she always will be special.
And so dearest Edie to paraphrase the words of another of your favorite authors, William Shakespeare, “Good night beloved friend. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”
It was my good fortune to know Edie Ewing for some 33 years – all of her adult life, and it was my privilege to be her friend for most of that period. Like all of you I have been thinking a lot about her and have come to focus on two things that I would like to talk about tonight.
The first is what was it that made Edie such a special person? The more I think about that question, the answer is best captured by an idea contained in Paul’s 1st letter to the Corinthians – the idea that three things endure for ever – faith, hope and love. For me those three things best symbolize or capture what made Edie so special. She believed those things, but wasn’t just that, Edie also tried to live by them and live into them.
Take, for example, faith – faith for Edie was not a destination, it was a journey and she was on that journey for her entire adult life. Edie was always reading, thinking, studying and talking about what she believed. On more than one occasion, she was there when I preached a stewardship sermon that I thought was the last word on stewardship – a sermon that had the ultimate answers. And then Edie would say to me, “John, the highest compliment you can pay a sermon was to say that it made you think." She was more concerned with asking the right questions than finding ultimate answers. She was on that journey almost right up until the end, one of the last times I saw her, she couldn’t do much, but she could at least read and she was reading about faith related issues.
Edie also lived in hope. Given everything she faced it would have been easy to have sunk into depression, despair or anger –all kinds of negative feelings, but that wasn’t who Edie was. She lived in hope and I think it was that hope that enabled her to decide that she was going to live as fully as she could. Living in hope enabled her to go on those trips that were so important to her, France earlier this year, not to mention trips to England and a Mediterranean cruise as well as the vacation home in Maine on her beloved Linekin Bay.
Lastly love, Edie once told me what love meant to her – to care as much about another person’s well being as you care about your own. That certainly wasn’t an original idea with her, but what was more important was how she lived into that idea. Edie did her best to love others, not just when it was easy, but also when it was difficult. Whether it was people behaving badly or people who just weren’t that lovable, Edie tried all the same. In the all years I knew her, I can remember her criticizing people, but I can never remember her saying negative things about others.
Faith, hope and love are very important qualities, powerful on their own. But in Edie’s case they didn’t exist separately, in isolation from one another. Rather they were woven together in a wonderful tapestry of her life. I was privileged to see her live in at least three different contexts.
The first was the church, before coming here to Redeemer, Morristown, Edie was part of three other communities of faith. Each time she had faith in that community, she had hope for that community and she loved that community. When it was time for her to move on, she did so because it was part of her journey and she left in the most positive way possible. I especially want to say to those of you from this congregation that she was really happy here – I think that part of her journey was complete. She told me many times how much she liked it here because Phil Wilson and the congregation works so hard at making everyone feel welcome. I especially want to thank you for that because if anyone deserved that kind of church home it was Edie Ewing.
The second context was that of friendship. I don’t claim to be an expert on many things, but I am an expert on what it means to have Edie Ewing as a friend. When my father died all of the funeral arrangements were during one week day. I knew how careful she had to be with taking time off from work so when I called to tell her about my father I told her not feel pressured to be there. There was a long silence on the other end of the line and I knew what was coming next. She said, “John, I am going to be there for you!” And she was always there for me both in the good and the bad times. I will always cherish the note that she wrote to me when I retired from the Diocese of Newark – she wrote that she was proud to be my friend. She was proud to be my friend! Trust me I have enough honesty about myself to know that in the course of over 3 decades she saw me say and do a lot of things that weren’t inspired by the better angels of my nature – yet she was proud to be my friend. And boy was I proud to be her friend.
And finally there is the context of family. Edie and I talked a lot both in person and on the phone. I want to say all of you in the Ewing and Tanis families that she talked about you a lot, about the good things and also about those other things, but there was never once that she didn’t have faith in you, hope for you and love for you. I hope that knowing that can be of some comfort in these difficult times.
Faith, hope and love made up the essence of Edie Ewing. An essence that in the words of one her favorite authors, Charles Dickens, was from God.
And that leads to the second thing that I have been thinking about – what do we do now? Obviously there are a lot of things we should do now. But those are things for another day – what should we do about this special person Edie Ewing? If it is true that faith, hope and love endure forever then someone who had such a full measure of those qualities should also endure forever.
Each of us can do something to help make that happen, not just by remembering Edie, but by telling her story. Perhaps each of us should leave here tonight resolved to write down some memory of Edie. And perhaps those memories can be collected and given to her family. If there is an interest in that I would be honored to coordinate it. But even if that isn’t a good idea, we all need to talk about Edie so that future generations will know that there was this woman named Edie Ewing and she was special. Because she was special, she is special and she always will be special.
And so dearest Edie to paraphrase the words of another of your favorite authors, William Shakespeare, “Good night beloved friend. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.”
1 comment:
I too am proud to be your friend.I am sorry for your loss.
Vince
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